FUCK YEAH BAILEY

- August 19 -

baileygenine: So, at 1 am, my downstairs neighbor decided to leave me a little note. Oh neighbor, you have no idea what you got yourself into.  Letter from my neighbor:  Hey guys- I know you just moved in recently- but please quit walking on your heels… This place reverberates every step. I would really appreciate it. It vibrates my whole ceiling. It’s an old bldg. thanks-your neighbor =) My response:   Hey Bros,  Thanks for the letter! I’ve always wanted a pen pal. I just wanted to come right out and say it, I’m a person. I saw that you requested I stop walking on my heels, but because of evolution, I’m afraid that’s the only way I know how to walk. For your convenience I’m including a list of animals that don’t walk on their heels. I’ll even draw a chart to scale for you.  Of course, right off of the bat (that’s a saying, I don’t actually play baseball), I thought of the velociraptor (of Jurassic Park fame).  They’re a lot like cats, except for the lack of fur, whiskers, cute little purring and their tendency to play with fake mice. Anyway, dogs, mice, scarecrows, real crows, and sharks also do not walk on their heels/cannot walk/do not have feet.  I hope you find this information helpful, and sorry about the chart, but I drew it life-size and I’m afraid this piece of paper only covers the size of a dog’s belly. Regards, ‘Guys’ <— I can’t believe you already have a nickname for me.  P.S. We’re not really “bros” unless we are! Weird. Have you ever seen Star Wars? (How to be a polite neighbor. | Uptown Almanac)

baileygenine:

So, at 1 am, my downstairs neighbor decided to leave me a little note. Oh neighbor, you have no idea what you got yourself into. 

Letter from my neighbor: 

Hey guys-

I know you just moved in recently- but please quit walking on your heels… This place reverberates every step. I would really appreciate it. It vibrates my whole ceiling. It’s an old bldg.

thanks-your neighbor =) 

My response:  

Hey Bros, 

Thanks for the letter! I’ve always wanted a pen pal. I just wanted to come right out and say it, I’m a person. I saw that you requested I stop walking on my heels, but because of evolution, I’m afraid that’s the only way I know how to walk. For your convenience I’m including a list of animals that don’t walk on their heels. I’ll even draw a chart to scale for you. 

Of course, right off of the bat (that’s a saying, I don’t actually play baseball), I thought of the velociraptor (of Jurassic Park fame).  They’re a lot like cats, except for the lack of fur, whiskers, cute little purring and their tendency to play with fake mice. Anyway, dogs, mice, scarecrows, real crows, and sharks also do not walk on their heels/cannot walk/do not have feet. 

I hope you find this information helpful, and sorry about the chart, but I drew it life-size and I’m afraid this piece of paper only covers the size of a dog’s belly.

Regards,

‘Guys’ <— I can’t believe you already have a nickname for me. 

P.S. We’re not really “bros” unless we are! Weird. Have you ever seen Star Wars?

(How to be a polite neighbor. | Uptown Almanac)

older newer
  1. fuckyeahbailey reblogged this from bailey
  2. gobe said: I had a neighbor come up to SHOW me how to walk on my toes several apts back. You are my hero.
  3. gblakeman said: best laugh i’ve had all day.
  4. colbybearz reblogged this from bailey
Yay, Hooray! theme for Tumblr by Rory Marinich.